So, right after I broke up with my now-ex, I asked her if we could still be friends. She said that's okay. I had been telling myself to get over it, but I really was not over it. Such a decision was not easy for me to make at all.
Good thing we've been out of contact for at least a month now. Funny how these things work.
For the last few weeks I've been trying to patch things up, to no avail. It's as if my entire existence is being ignored. (which is one of the things I hate the most) I decided to start returning the favor yesterday. Nice knowing you.
It's great being one of the nicest people around and still getting people that think you hate them, and they hate you in return. It's also great how confronting someone about an incident means "OMG EVERYONE HATES ME. I'm just going to ignore everyone, since they clearly were all involved, and it's obviously everyone's fault but mine."
I don't think I can honestly say I've actually hated anyone, using "hate" to the full extent of the word, which is a very strong feeling. I've disliked quite a few people, sure. Even people that my friends hate for one reason or another I usually harbor neutral feelings toward them or are friends with them.
A girl I used to talk to told me that she was in an online relationship once, and was hurt badly by it. She suggested that I don't try them myself. I did not take her advice. Look where that got me.
Long story short, those of you thinking about entering long term online relationships, don't. I deeply regret it. At this point, I'm debating whether or not I want to make a commitment in my whole lifetime. Is it really worth losing friends?
EDIT: Afterthoughts...
I've always felt estranged from my family, and closer to friends that I've met. On my dad's side of the family, who lives where I live, there are very few children left. The youngest person I actually communicate with on a regular basis is in his late 30's, maybe even in his 40's now. The kids in my neighborhood are gone, for the most part. All have grown up and gone away or gone to college. Having no brothers or sisters, I've always felt like the only kid around. When I was quite young, I told myself that my only goal in life would be to start a family and have kids... keep the family going. This is still my sole goal, at least a decade later. Maybe that's why I'm always on a hunt for girls, I don't know.
I was planning on keeping this house after my parents die, but I don't know if I will. I feel like time has stopped here. I pass by the old buildings that used to house many playing kids back when I was in elementary school, which are all but deserted now. Is technology to blame? Has everyone just left? I don't know. All I know is, I don't like it. I want to see something new again.
Even though I'm only 18, I feel like I've lived for an extremely long time. I feel like my time has passed.
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The heck? Why can't I just type my name as "Vileplume/Orihime" or whatever? @__@ I didn't want to sign on under my google account, lol. (Shows how much I know about this blogspot place.) Sorry, tl;dr reply coming up.
ReplyDeleteMy only relationship was one that was online, that lasted for 7 months. We met in 2007 and over this summer of this year was the first time I met him in person (not alone, mind you, me and a group of all of our other online friends met up in Baltimore, Maryland to go to Otakon in July), 13 months after he dumped me. Currently, I have a love/hate relationship with the guy - he's ignored me and said cruel things to me all while being the one who said that he hoped we could still remain friends when he was breaking up with me.
And although he dumped me in June 2008, it's now October 2009 and I cannot say that I'm over yet. But I realized that part of the problem was because I was still reading his LJ or having some sort of contact with him, so to help myself, I decided not to talk to him anymore (well, we're kinda up to the point we're he pretty much almost hates me, but for some dumb reason, still reads my LJ, my profile on Skype, wherever else he has me added) not to have *anything* to do with him. I don't hate him, it's just that being around him is far too painful and isn't helping me to move on. I'd be commendable to be in love with the same guy for 2 years, but in this case, it isn't since he broke up with me almost a year and 5 months ago and we stand no chance of ever getting back together.
If you really want to get over it, you really *do* need that break from not having contact with each other for a *good* long while. Otherwise, it just prolongs the painful process, as it's done for me. I wish I would have for the most part stopped talking to him not long after he dumped me, instead of, over a year later, realizing that it was keeping me from moving on.
But not all relationships that start over the 'net are bad! I know 3 couples (part of the same voice acting community I met the guy mentioned above) that met online that were both really successful. One has been dating for about 5 years now and in January, the guy is moving from his home in the Netherlands to where she lives in California and they're getting married. :) The second started dating around November 2007, and the girl moved in with him and his family sometime in 2008 and they're still together. The third got married in 2007 to the guy she met online, who lived in Australia before moving to the US to be with her. All of these people I'm friends with, so I can tell you that not all relationships that begin online/long distance-ly are disasters. While I do think it takes a lot more work, if you're really compatable with each other and determined to make it work, there *could* be a happy ending, despite my bad experience and yours.
Understood. Thanks, Vileplume.
ReplyDeleteI don't really know what to do here. Since we both play the same game, and we're both always on, its pretty hard to actually ignore the other's existence without one of us quitting. Not sure I want to quit yet...
Feel free to write as much as you want, by the way. I don't really care if its long. :P
Rev, dude, just have to give it a bit more time. Right now you are trying way too hard to avoid her. You have been thinking, "oh she's on, and Im on, should i talk to her? should i not?". (from what i understand)Just be straight to yourself. You have tried to talk to her before and obviously she doesn't want to talk to you, so why should you talk to her. You have tried many times, and the result does no good. Leave her for a while, then maybe after couple of months things might get better.
ReplyDeletePersonally I don't mind online relationship, but from my experience it doesn't work. Especially if you cant see her on regular bases (once a month, once every 2 months or whatever). Of course there are those who end up good with their online relationship, but more often than not, they usually failed.
I don't want you to be hopeless. Just relax a little bit, you are worry too much about girls. Nothing will come from worrying. Also, sometime trying too hard to get girls doesn't work either. They might looks at you as someone who is desperate to get some. But I know you are not that type of person and i know how sincere you are. Relax a little, make female friends, and you will never know when someone could come into your life.
Cheers
Everything has pretty much been said really, the only legitimate thing I can add is that from my experience for any relationship to stand a chance, be it long-distance or close, the people have to have the same mindset in what they want out of the relationship and similar views as to their futures and what they want out of life in general. All too often people get married, or stay in a lengthy relationship just because of the initial emotions, disregarding obvious signs of incompatibility in the future.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Hinano until some point.
ReplyDeleteI really think that online relationships tend to fail, even though Rikka's friends has been quite lucky imo.
I think you should just try to follow your life goals and sooner or later you'll find someone and you'll know it's the right person.
You tried, it didn't work out. I know it's hard, but it's not the end of the world, really.
Don't give up, you're too young to think that it was, you know, the "love of your life".
You tried and it didn't work, better luck on the next time. May you find soeone that matches you and what you planned for your life.
Best wishes, keep fighting. :]