Hopeless

So, right after I broke up with my now-ex, I asked her if we could still be friends. She said that's okay. I had been telling myself to get over it, but I really was not over it. Such a decision was not easy for me to make at all.

Good thing we've been out of contact for at least a month now. Funny how these things work.

For the last few weeks I've been trying to patch things up, to no avail. It's as if my entire existence is being ignored. (which is one of the things I hate the most) I decided to start returning the favor yesterday. Nice knowing you.

It's great being one of the nicest people around and still getting people that think you hate them, and they hate you in return. It's also great how confronting someone about an incident means "OMG EVERYONE HATES ME. I'm just going to ignore everyone, since they clearly were all involved, and it's obviously everyone's fault but mine."

I don't think I can honestly say I've actually hated anyone, using "hate" to the full extent of the word, which is a very strong feeling. I've disliked quite a few people, sure. Even people that my friends hate for one reason or another I usually harbor neutral feelings toward them or are friends with them.

A girl I used to talk to told me that she was in an online relationship once, and was hurt badly by it. She suggested that I don't try them myself. I did not take her advice. Look where that got me.

Long story short, those of you thinking about entering long term online relationships, don't. I deeply regret it. At this point, I'm debating whether or not I want to make a commitment in my whole lifetime. Is it really worth losing friends?

EDIT: Afterthoughts...

I've always felt estranged from my family, and closer to friends that I've met. On my dad's side of the family, who lives where I live, there are very few children left. The youngest person I actually communicate with on a regular basis is in his late 30's, maybe even in his 40's now. The kids in my neighborhood are gone, for the most part. All have grown up and gone away or gone to college. Having no brothers or sisters, I've always felt like the only kid around. When I was quite young, I told myself that my only goal in life would be to start a family and have kids... keep the family going. This is still my sole goal, at least a decade later. Maybe that's why I'm always on a hunt for girls, I don't know.

I was planning on keeping this house after my parents die, but I don't know if I will. I feel like time has stopped here. I pass by the old buildings that used to house many playing kids back when I was in elementary school, which are all but deserted now. Is technology to blame? Has everyone just left? I don't know. All I know is, I don't like it. I want to see something new again.

Even though I'm only 18, I feel like I've lived for an extremely long time. I feel like my time has passed.

Recent Thoughts & Hopes

I'm still pretty neutral towards what happens on PangYa US. (though, I obviously disagree with some of the decisions made) I've actually been pretty happy with the recent updates, starting with the Card Holic update. Cards for $1.80, only $0.30 more than the KR price, on a server with Time Boosters priced at $1.20 and Auto-Calipers at $3.00?! Are you kidding me?! I was shocked, along with quite a few of my friends. Around this time I was saying to them: "Maybe NTreev is finally turning things around?"

Gacha has high rates for its cost, honestly. Scratch Card rates seem to be near zero in comparison (for people with average luck). Ironically, I've had better luck with Scratch Cards than Gacha Coins.

People are wondering what the next Gacha rare will be. Some say Rune Fairy Wings. I don't really have an opinion on this. All I know is, I hope they release Rings in Gacha! Would be a perfect way to use that system, and they would get a lot of money from people trying to get a precious Crimson / Hybrid / Promise Ring. From what they're doing, it looks like Scratch Cards (besides Wedding Dresses, but that hardly counts since PangYa US is so flipping behind) is going to be for re-releasing old rares, and new rares will be in Gacha. That's my theory.

My selfish thought on the game's bugs is that they aren't a huge impact on the game... though I'm sure they are for quite a few people. Namely, that pesky Messenger bug. I've never crashed from it, and probably never will, but it seems people still do... They really need to put that to a higher priority than it is. We never have really been able to speak to our friends properly since that one update. I can't remember which update that is now since it has been so long!